Day 2
DAY 2 OF BEING AN IDEAL STUDENT
I woke up at 6 today really proud of my self for that, if I don't think about the fact I was supposed to wake up at 5, and when I woke up I didn't even study most of that time from like 6:08-6:39 I spent on social media before I had to be like an ideal student will actually follow the routine she made last night and do the work.
Actually, chat gpt did the daily routine for me, it was soo good. I love chat gpt.
I might put the routine at the end if I feel like it.
So I read from 6:40-7:00
Then I had a shower did my skin care and had breakfast. That's kinda how that went.
8:00 - I started studying I did 50/10 (2x). For proof in maths the first 50 minutes where quite unproductive honestly I was just writing down the slide presentation and trying to understand the stuff I did a few months ago. The next 50 mins I wrapped up my understanding and attempted doing some questions I failed 2 of them but I learnt that failure shouldn't be something to fear when it comes to studying we should just try to understand how to be better next time. My kinnu course though me that 😌
OK then 10:00 came I was supposed to get my art supplies out and do some sketches but I spent the 30 mins on Instagram (fuck my life ).
I am trying so hard to think positively, I didn't start the course on positive thinking so u really can't blame me.
OK then 10:30 came around and I had to study for economics I tried doing a past paper but I just felt really sad and hopeless and like a disappointment.
For context I did my AS level a couple months ago and I had a C which is really bad if you take into account that I was really confident about economics. It was a huge blow to my self esteem because I thought I was going to get and A or B turns out I was barely getting by on a C. I don't know what I did that was so wrong on the paper. I filled in a form today that will let me view my answers and see if I messed up on the structure, lack of knowledge, I might not have understood the question or I just over estimated my self and didn't incorporate some basic things into the answer.
When I sit on the table to re-study for this AS level I just feel a crushing pressure of how badly I did and what is at stake and how I really have to do well this time, a sort of fear and constant anxiety keeps putting on edge making my eyes water... I feel like a complete and utter disappointment.
Anyway enough angst this just reminds me I need to read my book on the law of human nature this makes me think I am suffering for the chapter of egotistism idk if that a work. But it seems to me that my strong belief of my a abilities in economics which have been proven through out the year with constant As and Bs might have deluded be to neglect focusing on the subject. Now I have to suffer a huge blow to my ego leaving me abit traumatised by the whole ordeal. So I decided to remove my self from the situation and journal about it.
I am going to study later following the routine chat gpt made for me my next study session is from 2pm-4pm. It is 12 right now so I am going to spent this time relaxing and maybe doing some cleaning.
Update
I spent the rest of my day being tired and lazy and procrastinating ,I did do a bit of cleaning and listening to an Audio book but that's about it.
But at least today I did 2hour 30 mins. Yesterday I did Nadal so I'll count this as a tiny success hopefully tomorrow I can do more work and complete more tasks